Beautiful

The most beautiful things I've seen in this world are not new & pretty, they are broken, battered, and dirty. Recently I have been discontent. Discontent in a lot things really but in particular, these past few weeks it's been with my wardrobe and hair. I've been having those days where you look into your drawers full of clothing and not a single item appeals to you. Then you choose something, and as soon as you walk outside you worry about every single person that looks at you as you walk by.

The other day I was working on homework at my desk and my screen saver popped up on my computer. My screen saver consists of a slide show that shows all of the pictures saved on my computer, one at a time. As I looked up from my work, a picture of me right before my baptism in Mozambique popped up. I was crying joyfully as I expressed to my team the ways the Lord had been breaking my heart. I was a broken mess. I hadn't bathed in like three weeks, I had been puking all of my insides out a few days before that, but in that moment I felt so beautiful. I was beautiful in that river. I look at that picture and all is see is beauty on a cloudy day.

The reason that picture is beautiful is has absolutely nothing to do with me. It is all Jesus. In that moment, the only thing that mattered to me was Jesus. His love for me, His love for our team, and His love for the nations. In the background I see Jesus in my three leaders. I can barely even see them really but I can tell Jesus reign in them. Jess, Marissa, and Stephen all have faces that shine broken beauty.

We all look disgusting to the normal eye. We have on pairs of an old middle school team's basketball shorts (that I had actually pooped my pants in a few days prior) and we wore t-shirts that are baggy and at one point were shiny colors but at that time were caked in 3 weeks worth of sweat and dirt. BUT, with kingdom eyes, this picture is PURE BEAUTY.

The beautiful things in this world are so brokenly in love with Jesus that nothing else matters except for the work He does within them. His creation is beautiful and nothing can argue that! The beautiful ones are the orphans and the widows. The homeless and the lost. He loves us so much! We were made in His image and THAT IS BEAUTY!

I wish I didn't have a mirror. In Mozambique we had like one hand mirror that the entire team traded off but mostly, I just didn't ever use it. When we can't focus on the outside, we look at our heart.

When you struggle with your appearance; whether that means feeling ugly, changing outfits several times before walking out the door, or maybe you even an eating disorder, try focusing not on the outside. Take down all the mirrors in your house if you have to. Look at the reflection of your heart and what Jesus is doing to it. He loves us! We are beautiful when we are broken, battered, and dirty.

So... KINGDOM(that's you brothers and sisters),

GO GET MESSY. It's the new beautiful.